‘Anything or anyone who does not bring you alive is too small for you.’ Excerpt from Sweet Darkness, House of Belonging. David Whyte
Does you work bring you truly alive?
Do you feel called to do it?
Does it create purpose and meaning in your life? Unpaid, would you love it?
Or, have you fallen out of love with your work?
Where once where there was joy and lightness now lies sorrow. A grieving for what was with a heaviness for what is.
Ten years ago I fell out of love with my manager and consequently my work.
One day, mid-month, every month, I would rise at 4am for the 6am-red-eye flight. Donning a once-a-month worn, cuff-linked shirt, pinstripe skirt suit, stockings and heals accessorised by a report laden brief case I’d leave for head office.
With fear-sick stomach, heavy heart and deep breaths I’d be all too quickly whizzed to the 10th floor. On knocking, the managing director would grunt yes and I’d enter. To be met by his back and the glorious, wish I was there, view beyond.
He’d swivel. I’d sit.
For the next three to four hours he’d direct and dictate while I nodded, lied and checked out. It didn’t take many red-eye’s to fall out of love. It took many more to resign!
Why so long? In short fear.
I feared being found out as a fraud. I feared no one would employ me. Not because I’d not achieved. I had. Rather, because I felt I couldn’t do it again. My appetite, energy and passion spent.
Mid a budget meeting in the ninth month, I unexpectedly spoke my truth…‘I can’t do this anymore. I’m done!’
Refusing a pay rise, yes, really! I laboured fear free for another three months, before leaving without having looked for another job!
At the time I thought it was all about me! My smallness complete with its sin of lost motivation, joy and meaning. A failure, I felt sure would be discovered and managed out.
Years on, I see this experience was an invitation to get unstuck. To meet and engage with the discomfort of what was no longer working.
An invitation to name who and what had become too small. To change and deepen the conversation I’d been having with my work.
In doing I was greeted by an unexpected courage to act. To speak my truth. To risk being truly alive. To trust in creating Fish Recruiting
I invite you to ask yourself…
What or who in my work has become too small for me?
What am I prepared to risk to do work that brings me alive?
What beliefs’, should and musts, am I willing to ditch to be me?
When something or someone becomes too small for you, acknowledge it.
Trust, too small for you, is the invitation to engage in something or someone bigger. The invite is to trust yourself. Your readiness and ability.
When you risk meeting the wealth of untapped talent hiding out inside you, you get to create the work of your soul.
The work you’re here to do. Without apology.